I woke up this morning thinking about my mother’s mantra:  ”As long as I have the ability to think and reason, I have the power to choose my attitude toward any person, thing, or event.”  I knew I needed an attitude adjustment, but I was still wallowing in a little self-pity along with a bit of  (self-righteous) anger, so it took me a few minutes to get there.

Alex, who is always positive and thoughtful, woke up Sunday morning completely out of patience with his pain.  He was feeling snarly – and justifiably so.  The X-rays, MRI, and blood tests all indicate that his back surgery was successful.  Only one problem, that message isn’t getting to his legs.  He’s had several sleepless nights and says he feels like his legs are being taized.  Physical therapy has helped.  In the last three or four days his pain has gone from intense/unbearable to a constant deep ache.

On Sunday I declined an invitation to join friends for brunch and cancelled plans  to get together with family.  The next day he seemed a little better so we agreed to meet friends for breakfast on Tuesday.  During the course of the conversation he said something to one of my dearest friends that upset me.  When we got in the car I let him have it.  He called her and apologized as soon as we got home.

It could have all ended there, but he got mad at me for getting mad at him; and I got upset with him for being mad at me,  and we ended up having a lousy day.  (By the way, the friend is fine.)

In a huff, I started checking off a mental list of all of the things I have been doing to take care of him this summer along with a list of all of the things I have not done this summer so I could accommodate his needs.  (Did I mention I was feeling a little self-righteous?)

Anyway, I didn’t like the way I felt yesterday.  Being angry takes a tremendous amount of energy, and we both need all of the energy we can muster right now to keep things on an even keel so he can recover.

So today I’m focusing on the positive.  I am going to thank God for all of the blessing in our lives starting with the fact that the surgery was successful.  I’m grateful to the doctor for prescribing another steroid injection in Alex’s back that will help calm the pain and hopefully reduce the inflammation in the nerve.  I am thankful that this is a temporary condition. And most of all, I’m thankful to be married to a man who has a brilliant mind and a generous heart.  It is so seldom that he does or says something that is upsetting to me.  So today instead of wallowing, I’m going to thank God for all of the good that has come out of this experience, and I’m going focus on all of the reasons I love and appreciate my husband.

I expect that my thankful heart  may help us both have better day.